Breakfast Schmreakfast
Everyone appreciates the tidiness of an even pair, and it’s from this that we draw the phrase “two’s company, but three’s a crowd”. Be it marriage, traveling by coupe, or simply using a finger trap gag, there are plenty of occasions when a trifecta will make us…well… say “what the heck-ta”.
I would even argue that the enjoyment of activities with odd numbers of participants is beyond the human experience. The only comfortable example I can cite exists in an alternate dimension, where our abstractions live and breathe: it is here that a trio of twentysomethings named Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner have shared a metaphorical apartment in My Daily Diet for years. The group will always have a lot in common (all three roommates list “being eaten” and “forcing family conversation” as their favorite activities), but today’s terrible breakfast experience was enough to make me terminate the syrupy tenant’s sub-lease. From here on, I intend to metaphorically house only two daily meals…plus a protein shake.
It’s no coincidence that my attitude towards breakfast soured after I became a working man. No longer allowed an eating schedule based solely on my hunger patterns, I’ve found it nearly impossible to align all of my interests for this particular meal. The result: I’m unable to stomach the food served to me upon waking up, despite its being time-efficient and con newspaper. The only alternative I’m then left with is a strip of sub-nutritious fast food joints en route to the office…and who has time to stop at one of those? I did, incidentally. Everyone comes in at 9:30 on Mondays, so I had a few minutes to kill. Or did the few minutes kill me?
To cut a long story short, I decided to take in a second breakfast on a shady bench outside a Dunkin’ Donuts restaur-shop before work. I didn’t realize as I sat, however, that the seat was already occupied by a dirty puddle. That’s the funny thing about wetting high-quality pants, though: you don’t notice the cold sensation for the first five seconds of exposure, and the resulting mark is never located at an innocuous location like the knee. Moreover–I wasn’t able to finish my bear claw, because I had to go home and change.
I understand that wet, hungry, and buttoned-down is no way to go through life, but my co-workers later encouraged me to accept malnutrition as an element of adult work life (This coming from Mrs. Boss, who has been known to substitute a can of soda or chocolate bar for lunch).
Will I regret dropping breakfast? Hard to say. I will certainly have to find a new time to read my DailyMe (and change the delivery preference accordingly), but I don’t sacrifice much else. It’s not like I boasted a “No Meal Left Behind” policy.
Peace, Love, and Personalized Media
-John the Intern
